Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” Translated

28 Jul

Upon hearing this instant classic, my virgin ears were unable to discern the meaning and/or message of this pop culture phenomenon. After countless hours of research and involuntary submersion into pop culture, I was able to decipher the lyrical content of Ke[CurrencySymbolForThe AmericanDollar]ha’s musical masterpiece known to the brainless masses as “Tik Tok”.

Original Lyrics:

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
(Hey, what up girl?)
Put my glasses on, I’m out the door – I’m gonna hit this city (Let’s go)
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
Cause when I leave for the night, I ain’t coming back
I’m talking – pedicure on our toes, toes
Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Boys blowing up our phones, phones
Drop-toping, playing our favorite cds
Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy

Revised Version:

I rise from my slumber at the first signs of daylight, in a state similar to that of the great Puff Daddy

(Greetings, how are thee my lady?)

I place my spectacles upon my face, and I exit via the doorway-I am headed towards the sprawling metropolis (Come along)

Prior to my departure, I cleanse my dental fixtures with a container of the finest Whiskey

Once I abandon my dwelling for the evening, I do not believe that I will be returning in a timely fashion

I speak to thee-beautification of my Phalanges, Phalanges

Evaluating the physical appeal of our outer garments, garments

Adolescent males cause our cellular devices to combust as the result of a previously planned explosion

We enjoy the ride as passengers of an automobile equipped with a convertible roof, exposing our ears to enjoyable tunes

We arrive to various social gatherings

Our objective is to consume alcoholic beverages with the intent of impairing our fine motor skills

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