T-Pain Finally Takes Some Advil; No Longer in Pain

5 Aug

"Ouch, my head!"

Those who follow the rap game closely know that T-Pain (born as Faheem Rasheed Najm) has been suffering from terrible chronic headaches since early childhood.  The rapper’s stage name, which has been become somewhat of a household title, is typically believed to be short for “Tallahassee Pain,” reflective of the hardships he felt while living there.  What most people don’t realize is that this “pain” is literal — this hard rapper from the streets suffers from catastrophic migraines often accompanied by backaches and even a few toe cramps.  The problem, which our sources tell us has only been getting worse as the years have gone by, is probably compounded by the 150 pound diamond-studded top-hats he frequently rocks.  This morning, our sources are informing us that T has finally purchased a bottle of Advil and is no longer suffering from his usual pain. Rumors have been exploding across the blogosphere about a potential name change now that the pain is gone.  Some have suggested T-Delight or T-Leisure while others are leaning towards a more descriptive option such as T-I Used To Be In Pain Before I Figured Out That Two Fucking Advil Would Take Away The Throbbing Pain in My Dome.

Evidence of Mr. Pain’s chronic disorder can be found in his classic tune “I’m Seeing Breaklights,” in which he declares, “I’m seein’ daylight, and I’m still alone in my bed.” It’s commonly known in the medical community that when migraine headaches cross a certain threshold of pain, it’s possible for the victim to actually begin hallucinating. Now we understand what he means in the popular block anthem “So Much Pain” when he exclaims, “I surrounded by so much hate, aint gone let another take my place, I’m sick and tired of all these lies, y’all ******* ain’t felt no pain…”

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