Cali Swag District to Secede From United States

8 Aug

Not long ago, the Cali Swag District surfaced from the spewing cauldron of the seemingly unsatisfiable modern hip-hop scene. Armed with enough swag to corrupt an entire Girl Scout division, these gentlemen have taken the galaxy by storm, teaching the “Dougie” to every passerby that they have encountered on their journey. This innovative dance, laden with political undertones suggesting a yearning for a more exclusive and dance-centered republic, has been widely applauded by ambitious club goers throughout the nation. At first, we were convinced that the Cali Swag District was trying to cash in on the rap/dance movement sparked by contemporaries such as Soulja Boy and New Boyz, but it is now clear that the hit song “Teach Me How To Dougie” was meant to convey separatist intentions.

After months of negotiations with President Obama, the Cali Swag District is finally going to fulfill its lifelong dream of seceding from the United States. The new nation will be bordered on all sides by the U.S. The nation’s borders will consist of massive speaker towers blasting the heartfelt music of the group, and border policies will be enforced by legions of lenient leather-clad bouncers. Furthermore, citizenship will be based on the applicant’s ability to dance the “Dougie” and demonstrate medical proof verifying that they are clinically insane. The United Nations is eager to have the Cali Swag District join the worldwide community, as they hope to promote harmony and an end to violence via the Cali Swag District’s rather catchy national anthem “Teach Me How To Dougie”.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has reportedly commented that he is happy to learn of the Cali Swag District’s secession from the nation, provided that he can visit the young republic any time that he pleases. He has also requested private “Dougie” lessons, as he aspires to one day dance/connect with the young people.

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