Slim Thug Bulks Up; Now “Fat as Fuck” Thug

21 Oct

Once associated with gourmet salads and low-carbohydrate sun-dried tomato wraps, Stayve Jerome Thomas, better known as Slim Thug, has fallen off the deep end.

“Once my personal chef got capped, man, how was I supposed to get my daily caesar with mahi-mahi?” the 30-year-old rapper recently said.  “You try to eat at Panera Bread Co., man.  Poor fucking excuse for a chopped cobb salad with extra chives.”

Our sources report that Slim was recently seen in his hometown of Houston chowing down on this monster order at a Whataburger:

2 Whataburgers, Triple Meat, Bacon

Large Onion Rings

Side Salad

Milk, Low Fat (1%)

Thomas was not available for comment that evening, but was spotted the next morning at an area hospital.

“Fuck yeah, I had my stomach pumped,” Slim admitted.  “Doc told me last night’s meal topped 4000 calories.  But shit, I had the 1% milk – can you imagine if I went with whole?  That could have been it for me, man.  Game over.  Oh, and that salad was awful.”

The weight gain is quite visible, and Thomas’s fans are relentless when it comes to heckling.

“You know, they got these names for me now,” he said.  “Brick came through my window this morning, had a note on it addressed to ‘Fat as Fuck’ Thug.  It’s a grind out there, man.  Fuck it though – I belong to a Bally’s.”


Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: