“99 Problems” Translated

24 Nov

“99 Problems” by Jay-Z

I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
Foes that wanna make sure my casket’s closed
Rap critics they say he’s “Money Cash Hoes”
I’m from the hood stupid, what type of facts are those
If you grew up with holes in ya zapatos
You’d be celebrating the minute you was havin’ dough
I’m like fuck critics you can kiss my whole asshole
If you don’t like my lyrics you can press fast forward
I got beef with radio if i don’t play they show
They don’t play my hits i don’t give a shit SO
Rap mags try and use my black ass
So advertisers can give ’em more cash for ads, fuckers
I don’t know what you take me as,
Or understand the intelligence that Jay-Z has
I’m from rags to ritches niggas I ain’t dumb
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one
Hit me

Our expert translation:

Those who moderate hip-hop music keep watch of armaments

Enemies prefer my placement in an ornamental coffin

Critics of my music portray me as a man with preference for “Money Cash Hoes”

I formerly resided in a poor urban area, so how can that be factual information?

If, during your youth, there were ever-present holes in your footwear

You would surely rejoice in a monetary gain

I have a distaste for critics, they can make mouth-to anus contact for all I care

If you dislike my lyrics please, utilize the “fast forward” function of your device

Radio disc jockeys are displeased with me when I refuse to perform at their venues

However, said disc jockeys do not make use of my chart-toppers

Rap magazines attempt to manipulate my African American rectum

So those in the advertising business are able to exchange monetary funds

I am unsure what you perceive me to be

Or how you interpret the intelligence that I, Jay-Z, wield

This has been a transition from rags to riches, fellows, I am not dull

99 problems burden me, but the issue of a female companion is not one of the aforementioned 99 problems

Hit me


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2 Responses to ““99 Problems” Translated”

  1. NVR November 25, 2010 at 11:53 am #

    “99 problems burden me, but the issue of a female companion is not one of the aforementioned 99 problems”

    LOL

  2. Alexander Dobbs December 2, 2010 at 3:43 am #

    killing it.

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