Fat Joe To Become New Subway Spokesman

2 Dec

Joseph Cartagena, better known by his stage name “Fat Joe,” made significant strides in 2005 in terms of personal health.  The Terror Squad Entertainment CEO made headlines by dropping 80 pounds, falling from a slightly overweight 370 to a lean, mean 290.  Over the five years since, Joe has not lost any more weight, calling into question Subway’s choice of the rapper to replace the famous “Jared” as the company spokesman for “Eating Fresh.”

Fat Joe does insist, however, that his weight loss can be attributed to Subway sandwiches.

“It’s quantity and quality that makes a diet, man,” Joe told WTR.  “Back in ’99, 2000, I could put away 4 or 5 subs in one sitting, easy.  And that was before the five dollar yard-long deal or whatever.  We’re talking spending $35 on a midday snack.”

A new view of nutrition has since allowed Fat Joe to change his habits.

“Gotta cut back, yo.  Now I cop two footlongs instead of four.  With wheat bread,” Joe said. “Know what I replace the other two with?  Those cute fuckin’ apples and a good-ass bottle of milk.”

Yup, that would be NYC’s finest organic grocery store.

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One Response to “Fat Joe To Become New Subway Spokesman”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. WTR Exclusive: FAT JOE? FAT NO!!! « - May 23, 2011

    […] 7) Subway Spokesman Joe […]

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