Soulja Boy Enlists; Promises to Bring “Swag” To Armed Forces

8 Dec

Our insider sources in Soulja Boy’s entourage let us in on some big information this morning: Mr. Soulja Boy Tell Em’ has decided to enlist in the US Army. The decision comes after someone allegedly shouted “You’re a bitch” in Soulja Boy’s direction in a Los Angeles club last weekend.  To prove that he’s actually far from a bitch, he’s enlisted in the services with some big plans of his own.

Goal #1: Turn on the Army’s Swag

After countless years of camouflage uniforms and boring marches, Soulja Boy plans to make some serious changes.  All soldiers will now be required to “hop up out the bed” and immediately turn their swag on.

Goal #2: Distract the Enemy with the Stanky Leg Dance

Goal #3: Night Vision Goggles will be replaced with Soulja Boy’s idiotic sunglasses.

Frankly, I’m surprised that Mr. Boy isn’t concerned about leaving behind his countless “lady friends” when he goes overseas.  It’s a good thing he’ll be able to kiss all of them through the phone.

Then again, maybe he’s just looking for something else to do after learning that his album only sold 13,000 copies in it’s first week.  Ouch.


2 Responses to “Soulja Boy Enlists; Promises to Bring “Swag” To Armed Forces”

  1. NVR December 8, 2010 at 2:10 pm #

    First week sales for this fine artist are just in .. 13k say whuut!


  1. Letters to Santa: Soulja Boy « - December 25, 2010

    […] been a really good boy this year. I enlisted in the army as a Soulja to serve our country, I learned how to count (30 Thousand Hundred Million!), and I turned […]

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