Letters to Santa: Soulja Boy

25 Dec

In the Christmas spirit, we’ve decided to publish some of the previously unreleased letters to Santa we’ve uncovered from your favorite rappers.

 

Letter #1: Soulja Boy

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a really good boy this year. I enlisted in the army as a Soulja to serve our country, I learned how to count (30 Thousand Hundred Million!), and I turned everyone’s swag on.  It’s been a big year.  Santa, I hope that you’ll give me the following:

  • 1 Bar of Soap to eliminate the taste of ribs from my genitalia

(“Word around town bitch my dick taste like ribs” – Soulja Boy, 30 Thousand Hundred Million)

  • Sleeping pills — because sometimes I have trouble turning my swag off again at night
  • Talent
  • All of the technology!

For reference: Soulja Boy’s most recent tweet, which says “Put me in the history books 1st rapper to ever tweet in 3d. Show me all the technology I want to see it all!!!”

  • A smaller t-shirt because someone forgot to send me the memo about baggy being “out” and skinny being so so so “in”! I need to look fresh on my first day of school.

 

Yours truly,

Mr. Soulja Boy Tell Em’

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