P. Diddy, Terrorist and Baby-Assaulter, Sued for $1 Trillion

2 Feb

Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks is just trying to catch some extra dough like Diddy's tryna catch his nut in this pic.

There’s been a ton of confusion (understandably) surrounding the Diddy lawsuit so here’s WTR’s quick breakdown:

WHO: Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks.  Oh, you’ve never heard of her?  That’s probably cause she’s some random half-crazy bum in L.A. Anyway, she’s suing Puff Daddy (formerly known as Sean Combs, more recently known as P.Diddy, but later known as Diddy and also commonly referred to by just “Puff” or “Puffy” and now part of the group Diddy-Dirty Money).

WHAT: Turks’ claims:

  • Diddy is partly responsible for the 9/11 terrorist attacks (along with Kim Porter, the mother of his children, and Rodney King).

According to court papers belonging to Turks:

“[Diddy] went through Kim Porter and Rodney King and knocked down the World Trade Center and then they all came and knocked my children down. Set me up to be on disability and disabled my baby. He put my baby in a wheelchair.”

Which leads us to her next claim:

  • She and Combs have a 23-year-old son together – part of the $1 trillion is $900 billion in child support.

And the deal-breaker:

  • Diddy has a casino chip that belongs to Turks, which is worth well over $100 zillion.  $100 zillion ladies and gentlemen!

“I won a lot of money at the casino in Mississippi and Sean P Diddy Combs has my chip to my money. I want my chip please help me. It’s well worth over 100 zillions of dollars.”

There might be a few more loose ends here or there but this should be enough to convince the judges of Diddy’s guilt.

WHEN: The fact that this is even taking place is fucking ridiculous.

WHERE: Probably a courtroom in L.A. The fact that this is being reviewed in a courtroom is fucking ridiculous.


Folks, we’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: you can’t make this stuff up. Check the court documents. It’s a scary world out there. What’s next, WTR being sued for the fucking assassination of Abraham Lincoln?  Whatever, $1 trillion is only like 1/14 of the United States national debt. Another day another trillion dollar lawsuit.

2 Responses to “P. Diddy, Terrorist and Baby-Assaulter, Sued for $1 Trillion”

  1. mei February 6, 2011 at 8:45 am #

    “Diddy is partly responsible for the 9/11 terrorist attacks”

    what do you mean, PARTLY?


  1. Tweets that mention P. Diddy, Terrorist and Baby-Assaulter, Sued for $1 Trillion « -- Topsy.com - February 5, 2011

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Al Vandergoog, the honey thief . the honey thief said: ZILLION dollar lawsuit… http://whattherap.com/2011/02/02/p-diddy-terrorist-and-baby-assaulter-sued-for-1-trillion/ […]

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